Monday, June 7, 2010

OMG

That is right I said it. OMG

I am numb and do not know what to do. I am on the verge of another breakdown.
Yesterday my family came home from camping and i was cleaning up. I was vaccuuming and didn't see my husbands shoe. The vaccuum sucked up a shoe lace and I couldn't get the thing turned off. You know how it is.... trying to fumble around to get the shoe and turn of the vaccuum and your husband is in the background screaming at you.

Well he came over and took the vacuum out of my hands turned it off wrapped up the cord and moved it across the room and began to scold me as if I were 3. I haven't mentioned that my 9 and 10 year old and one of their friends were in the living room with me.

Now hummiliated I go outside, the friend goes home, she tells her mom, who is a friend and texts me what the heck is going on. He yells at me more outside for things he thinks I should have done while they were gone.

By now feeling like an impish child my daughter and I go to the grocery store. When we are leaving she asks me, " mom why don't you just leave dad?" OMG that is right she sure did. I asked her why and she said because he is always yelling at you and not being nice. "Why does he do that?" she asked.

I explained to her that I wasn't really sure but I didn't think it was ok either. I then asked her if she wanted us to live apart? She didn't think that was such a great idea either.

OMG what am I suppose to do with that?

1 comment:

Emily said...

You know what I think. As hard as it is, and I have done/do this myself, is lean on the kids because at times, that seems like our best friends cause we know they love us unconditionally and will be honest. But sometimes, it gets these little wheels in their minds turning about what's gonna happen and when and I should be worrying cause I don't know what's gonna happen and when. Sometimes better to just do it. Not good for any kid to see their mommy all crazy and stressed out and being fuckin humiliated like an idiot. That pissed me off just reading that. UGH! Who does he think he is to talk down on you like that? You know him better than anyone and you know if you think he's gonna change. You also know what I think on that one. This is just crazy. You've been very open to him about how you feel and he continues to not care. As women, we sit here and try to figure out just WHY they don't care and what WE can do to MAKE them care because they should. At some point, we have to come to the realization that no matter how much we care about them and want them to care about us and our situation, we can't change them. There are just a lot of issues involved that are really messed up. He does not do anything to make things better. He expects you to "change" and be what he says and thinks you should be but he's not willing to budge. Ugh.. marriage is a constant compromise. I've learned that one the hard way. I totally know what you're going through and.. there's nothing that can be said to make it better cause no matter what, it's gonna hurt. But if you don't do what you're heart is telling you to do, you're gonna ruin yourself and then he's took control of that, too.